So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
