Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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