I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
