I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it because I queefed?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
