I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
