I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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