today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
