do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
