I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
ugly people sure do ruin things
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
