you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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