I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
