hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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