I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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