the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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