I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
last night I used snow as a chaser
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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