Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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