I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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