So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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