I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
