Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
