He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
