It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
it's like iHOP with fire
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
