Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
