Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
