i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
