I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
God I need to hump something, right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
