Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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