Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
