Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
