I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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