im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Found the puke drawer
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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