he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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