I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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