you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
