my phone needs a breathalizer
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
