you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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