Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
