I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
In other news, I just burned my penis
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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