I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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