just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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