It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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