We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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