One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
