So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
