Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My vagina just recognized that song.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
