She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
