girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
