Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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