I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
