everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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