Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize