think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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