Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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