Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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