ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
