are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
