I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize