I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
