Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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