she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
