my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I love you. Go after that dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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