So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
