I want to stick my p in your. b.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
