I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
