I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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