I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
