Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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